As you may have noticed, I published a “6 Months: Ethan” post on Tuesday. As a brief follow-up, I wanted to mention a bit about mama.
I said that it was a long and hard 6 months, and there are probably a billion little reasons why. It isn’t something I want to dive too deeply into, but when I found similar admissions from other blogging mamas a few months ago, I knew I had to share some thoughts.
I know I’m blessed times a billion to have a beautiful, healthy, sweet boy, and I know I’m lucky not to have experienced a long, drawn-out TTC period. With that said…
There were a LOT of tears. Daily tears. Mama and baby. I was upset I couldn’t make my baby happy (partly colicky, partly cranky, partly reflux, partly inexperienced mommy). I was upset about our breastfeeding issues. I was upset about his naps and my inability to nap too; oh, and we can throw sleep deprivation in here while we’re at it. I’m sure this was intensified by hormones, and there may have also been a bit of PPD. I called my doc for PPD therapist references, but I could never follow-through with making an appointment. Even with my extremely supportive network, I’d never felt more alone and ashamed for feeling the way I did.
All of this isn’t helped by the fact that babies don’t give back. They don’t give back the friends you miss, the hours of sleep you’ll never get back, the confidence you had before you began questioning your every decision, etc.
However, they do eventually start to smile, miss you when you’re gone, and even show their love, but it takes time. It all just takes time. As I said in Ethan’s 6-month post, it all “clicks” for mommies at different ages. For some it’s a couple weeks, for others a few months, but hang in there mamas, it does eventually click. We still have our bad days, but he’s now my shadow, my buddy. I can’t imagine a day without him.
- I’m finally not so dang tired anymore, ha!
- I’m back in all my jeans, even the skinny ones! Don’t get me wrong; the button is still hanging on for dear life.
- A note about getting back to pre-baby body – I’m not trying very hard, and it’s not a big stress to me. I’m actually prepping this post while eating ice cream. I try and run a couple days a week, and I try to do strength training as well, but I workout about a third (a half on a good week) of what I used to.
- I’m still burning quite a few calories. I counted calories for years, but I quit during pregnancy. I think the extra fuel (aka: ice cream) I took in during that time helped boost my metabolism a bit. Plus, toting around a 16-lb baby all day is tiring!
I know, I know – totally heartless, right? Actually, don’t answer that.
Mamas, when did it click for you?