Mom guilt. Hate it. Can’t avoid it. It’s been in overdrive over here, which is what has been stressing me out lately.
Not even yesterday’s workout of repeatedly picking up really heavy things and running some treadmill sprints could shake the funk.
It’s time to let the cat out of the bag. I’m going back to work, like, full time and everything. Ethan will be starting daycare on Monday.
Taken shortly before the last day of my old job
I’m so not ready! (except for those times when I kinda’ am… like when he’s refused a nap three days in a row… it’s a mess)
Readers who have been around a while may remember that I never planned on being at home with Ethan, but that’s what happens when you’re laid off at 7 months pregnant. I liked the idea of being a home mommy, but I didn’t think we could afford it.
I went on a few interviews after having Ethan, but nothing really sounded like a good fit. By February, I pretty much quit looking. Though the baby-mommy dynamic got better when he was around 6 months old, I finally felt more settled at home with him around or just before August.
My buddy around 6 months old
My old boss called a week or two ago asking if I wanted my old job back. Long story short (okay, not short, but shorter), I have been running around like a chicken with her head cut off ever since. Oh, and I said yes, after much internal debate. In a way, I’m quite lucky to have had a year off with an option to return to the same job.
Do I really want to go back? Sometimes. Do I think Ethan would be better of with me all day instead of daycare? Not really. Could we use the money? Certainly.
So what’s the problem?
I’m just scared to miss any moments with him. They grow up so fast, and I get sad thinking I’ll miss a second of it. I also feel guilty sending him to “school” already. Let’s face it, school kinda’ sucks. I just hope he has fun there with the other kids.
It’s been real, kid.
I could let this opportunity slide by me and wait for something when I’m ready, but when will I ever be ready? As I said, we could use the money. This is at least a work-from-home gig that never requires overtime or travel, so I’d feel silly passing on it.
Am I excited? No. Am I making a bigger deal out of this than I should? Probably. So many thoughts, so little time!
I foresee another crappy night of sleep in my future, and perhaps some more treadmill sprints tomorrow…
- No questions today, just a penny for your thoughts. (Actually, no pennies, daycare is $*@&$&# expensive.)